Disappointed in Myself
“I’m so disappointed in myself” my Inner Voice has frequently said to me.
I have expectations of my self. Almost to the point of feeling as though there is a second entity within myself giving the orders. I will call this second entity my Inner-Voice.
My Inner-Voice expects me to continually be better than I was last month, last year, last decade.
My Inner-Voice expects me to exercise, sing, practice music, eat right, keep the house organized, garden, write… you get the idea. These are all things I want to do!
My Inner-Voice expects me to maintain consistency in all these activities that I want to do.
My Inner-Voice expects me to find and maintain balance between all these activities.
And I am always disappointing myself. I have always struggled with consistency. I get stuck in a cycle of defeat and disappointment.
I have been feeling down and discouraged lately. I have a list of things I would like to do around the house. Day after day goes by and I still am not doing those things. Little bits here and there, but not accomplishing much to speak of.
This morning I told my husband out loud, “I’m so disappointed in myself.” With hot tears rolling down my cheeks, I heard my Inner Voice continue speaking to me: “You are such a disappointment.” It echoed over and over.
My Inner Voice has very little grace or loving-kindness. My Inner Voice is demanding- a harsh taskmaster.
As I was sitting there under the weight of my disappointment, I remembered my own advice in my book, Transplanted: Finding Rest in Your Walk with Jesus. We are not to listen to our own Inner Voice, but the voice of God. After all, whose voice is more important to listen to? My own or His?
His voice is full of life-giving truth that sets us free from our own Inner Voice. His voice tells us that we are precious, redeemed, forgiven, cleansed, and righteous. He makes His home within us. He delights in walking in the garden with us (our inner chamber).
It is not all about how much I accomplish. It is all about the life of Jesus living in and through me. It is all about relationship with the Giver and Sustainer of Life, our Living Water. He is full of mercy, grace, and love overflowing. It is beneath this fountain I must stand, receiving all He is constantly giving.
“My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness shall follow me all the days of my life. I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” (Psalm 23) As I dwell in Him, He also dwells in me.
The Inner Voice has got to go! Time to listen to the voice of Jesus.
What does your Inner Voice tell you?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!
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